You Asked Me Once...

You asked me once
Why everything I write is so sad.
And I replied: because that’s what I have to say.
But now
So much of me
Goes unsaid –
Goes unheard.

I’m not good at expressing happy thoughts –
Let me rephrase-
I’m not very good at being happy,
Because for so long I wasn’t. 
I was used to it
And people crave familiarity
Like a slug craves a shell (let’s be honest, snails are way less gross). 

You pulled me out of my self
Gave me new dedication –
You gave me my life back –
You gave me my heart back.
With every reminder
You said:
You’re okay.

And I was. 

I love the joy you bring –
Your way-to-wide n’ white
Your dry scratchy palms
Against my soft face. 
Your green/gold eyes in
The sunlight you make. 

It’s hard not to use clichés here
Because I don’t know this feeling
Well enough.   
It’s orange
-          And bright green.
It’s all you can eat fancy dinner.
It’s a sparkler lit on a Wednesday in January because why the fuck not. 

You are an old vinyl record –
Dusty and scratched,
Known and owned,
Been on that shelf for - -
Forever, probably;
With your favourite song,
From yesterday. 

I’m okay.
I always was,
Buy you make me believe it. 
Made me see it
When I looked at myself.
You helped me see myself
The way you see me. 

And I really do
Hope that one day
You’ll see that goof of a man
That I see
When I look at you
And love him

Just as much. 


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